Right now my house is a disaster. Dishes need to be done and the basement smells like a dog toilet. Molly, my 14 year old Beagle/German Shepherd mix has decided that when it's rainy and when nobody is home, the basement is a perfectly acceptable substitute for the backyard. And though I have scrubbed the concrete with urine odor eliminating solvent bought at Pet Smart, the painted, though peeling concrete floor is holding onto the smell like a sponge. It almost makes my eyes water. As I typed these words, the guilty party just walked into the room and plopped at my feet. I do feel like she can read my mind. She does make it hard to stay mad at her what with her cuteness and her sweetness. Anyway, there is a huge part of me that wants to call in sick to my cleaning clients' houses today just so I can clean my own house. Much like the editor who works on other's transcripts for living so he can write his own great American novel, I want to put some time into my own musings. A person might assume that it's the money that motivates to go to work today but it's secondary. Strange words from a person who can use all the money they can get their hands on. The thing I want to avoid is the confrontation, the conversation with the customers telling them I won't be working for them today. These interactions are almost unbearable for me at times. People in general really. Now in the same breath I tell you this. I am a lonely person. I crave human contact but only under specific conditions. Following is a list of times I would rather be alone.
1. Working. If I am cleaning your house, please be nowhere that I can see you. If I enter a room please feel free to disappear into another room. I won't be offended. And the fact that your mother-in-law is visiting is a perfectly acceptable reason to cancel. Your 1500 square foot home cannot accommodate me, my cleaning equipment, and all your people trying walk around me.
2. Visiting Family. How does this make sense you say? It doesn't. This just means I would rather be home alone watching nonstop Fullhouse reruns than hanging out being insulted by my family. And I loathe John Stamos. And by the way, Joey, that creepy dishwater blond mullet makes me gag and you're not funny.
3. Exercising. If I could have my very own pool I would be the happiest girl in the world and since that is not going to happen, please vacate the pool gym when I enter. What little bit of a competitive spirit I have comes out swimming these laps. And the fact that you ALWAYS swim in the middle lane is of no consequence to me. Adapt, humans are supposed to be good at it.
4. Shopping for clothes. The idea of having a girls day for clothes shopping sounds like a nightmare. Clothes have become a means to an end. Cover up and don't make a stink about it. The endless pawing through racks of outfits that you would never consider putting on your body just become your companion is interested in this year's polyester magenta crop top is of no interest to me.
5. Public bathrooms. We all know what's happening in here, so no eye contact and no idle chit chat please. And if YOU could keep the grunts down to a minimum, that would be great.
But that's really it. I am open to human contact in most all other situations. Scientists say that humans want to be part of a tribe, that we instinctively want to belong to a group because it increases our chance of survival. As every National Geographic special you saw growing up depicts, the lone wildebeest is never long for this world when the lioness is on the hunt. But I have found being a part of the group is quite tenuous. It is a delicate balance. Who is the alpha? How did they get to be in charge or at least the most popular? And more importantly to me, how do I fit in here? What is my role? This is what I am continuing to try and figure out. To be continued....
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